mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
