Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
