can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize