This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
