If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My feet surprised me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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