i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
