Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
