why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
