Cold hands, warm shart.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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