New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
