I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
