There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
