you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize