North Korea, Best Korea!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
