i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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