This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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