I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
