This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize