Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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