No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
