Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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