idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
