BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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