Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
