It's like God shit irony all over that family
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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