I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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