if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
