the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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