She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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