oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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