She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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