i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
