why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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