You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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