i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
did i just pee glitter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
