Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Someone signed my nipple.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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