Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
