two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
