I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
