yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
