You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
