You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
