You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
