Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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