u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize