New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
