My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize