i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
