I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
