I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize