I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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