And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
