I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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