I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize