He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
