I can text with my tongue
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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