right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
