At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
