The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
