I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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