I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Randomize
