Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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