the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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