Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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