Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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