I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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