the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
