Got a toothbrush?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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