Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
