Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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