Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
