He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
