did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
