So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
