DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
