I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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