I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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