First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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