Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
