I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
