i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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