remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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