tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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