i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
