drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
