Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
