Who wears a wallet chain?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You are a genius and a whore.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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