not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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