both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
