mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
