I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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