Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
