I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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