So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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