the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
May the power of my ass compel you!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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