I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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